bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
