never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
