we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
