Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
