porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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