I'm lost and stupid without you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
FUCK WHALES
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
