he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I just sharted jello shots
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
