so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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