Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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