Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
