I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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