my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
