All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
