i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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