I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
