Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
