Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
