It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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