69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
