my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
