He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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