Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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