It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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