I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
