Sry I called you an 8
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
