am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
