Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
