okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your cock deserves a montage
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
