Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
