i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
