Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
