he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
