like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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