oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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