I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
