When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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