The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
