i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
