He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
