You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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