I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
