They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
