I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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