i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
