He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
