So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
do nipples grow back?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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