a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
