ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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