Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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