I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
