If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
