Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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