i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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