Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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