Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
