just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
